Risking for uncertain possibilities




It’s enough, I’ts ok that you would not know. Words are better left unsaid.Something out there , something beyond stable waters.Something left over the burnt bridges.Something beyond the borders to look up to.

I’d never been so cautious and seeing every sides of the situation can be a cursed. Overthinking for short. Because I have been grounding myself  for so long.

The Song    Drive ~ by Incubus  brought me through realization.

” I should be the one behind the wheel” 

Why did I didn’t realize this in the first place ” Risking is better that regretting “. 

Regrets are poison it either haunts you to sleep or bring you to lalaland dreams of what could have or might have been ..

It can be Illogical not traditional way of giving but who care’s ? Who could be dealing with the results besides ,positive and negative results are still results and considered either consequences or permissive action.

The main enemy of  “Risk ” is fear of losing and failing. The main thing “FEAR”

Learning the hard way I was so focus on things that I have to give up in order to gain something I really wanted.Now I’m regretting of what could have been , or what could be … that’s the battle every morning , every night every walking life.

—- Perfect timing takes patience

—Impatient people’s  quote ” there’s no perfect timing it’s either you take it or leave it.

— for me I don’t know there might be a good formula for my expected results but I would not get that formula without taking a risk.

–Failure and Rejection  is an Experience , Experience teach us , It change us , it shapes us.

Well that could be the reason why somethings or situation is not on our side of the boat, God is teaching us something. And by experience we can gain wisdom.

Books and Stories , can’t substitute Experience. Experience is Personal.

Taking risk is not giving up what you have, it’s simply accepting you have nothing to lose at all because it’s not yours.I’ts Faith .

>>just a silly random thought.



When will I be satisfied ?


I don’t wanna spend my life

Trying to fight for what’s not mine

I don’t wanna lose myself

In someone else’s dream

I know I was made with a purpose

To reach past the surface

Live life fearlessly

I want nothing less Than to be

who I’m meant to be

Lyrics from  Anthem Lights ( Who I’m meant to be

When things are beyond our reach, our focus is to get it.

We often strive for things that we want, things that we like and things that can satisfy us completely. But what if those things are beyond our capability to reach. We end up with two reactions “holding on or letting it go.

And satisfaction sometimes comes with letting things go and let the thing be on its free-flowing nature.



What are the things that make you satisfied?






Thought 11:51 ~ slowly fading


Be honest to yourself of what you really feel because you cannot expect it from

someone else unless you are being truthful about it first.

It doesn’t matter if it will make you stupid be honest about what you really feel about things.

> Closed doors may hurt but have you ever tried to knock?

Don’t give up until they slammed the door on your face.





The Day I thought of Suicide

The Spiritual Suicide

You will never forget how to breathe, like you’ll not gonna forget how to pray.

I’m half dead inside and felt stinging pain and void.

Even though I knew what I needed to do,

I still choose to do my own thing.

I have always knew I needed Him.
I knew that He would love to feel needed.

I realized  I am a prison of my self,

and  I needed to break free, from fear of failure and to completely trust in Him.

What is the root of all of this  I asked,

“The problem is not with your situation nor the people around you,not your  life and failures the problem is with your heart.

you have unclean heart and polluted mind “


you have a lot of garbage there , you hoard a lot of things,

Hatred, Jealousy, bitterness, Lust, Lies….

Your mind has a lot of unborn fantasies and its corrupted.


An eventhough how many times you tried to be good you will end up being the same  because trying to be good is not the way out .. it’s being religious

                                  Why ? because the problem is within and the solution should be from within

What is the cure ?

Acknowledge your current situation you are getting nearer to  spiritual death.

And neglecting to discern it is Spiritual Suicide.


Jeremiah 33:3

‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchablethings you do not know.’

                     ” What are the unsearchable things you do not know ?

Ask Him what you need to know within yourself, don’t focus on yourself focus on Him.

Psalm 139:23

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Let Him search your heart, Open up He’s there to listen. Go to the secret place , seek Him with all your heart and thirst for His Presence.

The Day I thought of Suicide, the day He came to rescue me..

I realized i’m unworthy and found my worth in Him.

I remembered when nobody cared but Jesus.

To Him be all the Glory and Praises and Honor.












Where are you going ?



How are you ?     How’s your life ?    How is it going ?

A friend ask me   This questions stir something deep in my mind

Where am I heading to?     How’s  my life so far ?

Am I Mindful of myself and my life?

I’m not completely aware , the change is better for good leave everything behind.

Learn from people from the past and be a new person.


How can we observe our life today? We should observe it as it is happening.

Is it a roller coaster ? Still water ? raging storm?

I admit I was so scared to lose a person in my life that I am even willing to lose everything even my senses and stability even give up a long stable relationship. (and thanked God this person is Mindful) But I came to realize it’s just a feeling that I find overwhelming to be out of boundaries for once in my life.


Life will give you some choices because there are some circumstances that came for once in a lifetime but it’s not how the choice will direct your life but your decision.

***Observing my life .. I have been so adaptable to people and circumstances and that’s the bad side of being mutable and shifting. I can adapt well to changes that I forgot  one of  most significant things in life                                                                                  “Character”

this is how I observe my life ” I have no dominant Character. And I need to build it .

And God cares about the character    Rom 5:4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,


  1. Accept that You can’t change what has happened , but you can change your character to handle it well.

 What’s done is done and what’s gone its gone.

Instead of dwelling so much time of what’s wrong or what could go wrong .. dwell on things that can go right, something that you can change for the better.

Sometimes we are so defensive that we  fail to accept that things are not really  meant to be.


2. You were wrong, were stubborn and stupid( sorry for the word )

Acknowledge and accept that you made wrong decisions  you hurt people, you hurt yourself. After acceptance ask for forgiveness refocus and move on- it’s not easy , there’s a process and healing time. God can help you mend the broken pieces and restart

again. First of all you are not a victim you are completely aware of what you are doing .


If you do something and you know you’re wrong, don’t flip the script and blame your wrong doings on the other person. Own up to your mistakes, realize and accept when you’re wrong. Don’t blame others for your mistakes~Marissa H

You made it so accept the consequence , be responsible.


Let the Feelings come out,but don’t let it drive your actions 

Don’t let the feelings rule over your decision ( as I always say ” it come and  go )


When we detach from hanging on to emotions that really only keep us in that space of pain, is when we are free to just be and flow with Life.~Mary


Instead attached yourself to things that is real and permanent **


Thoughts are always there , it will make you remember a certain event or a person , This is funny but ”    remember that  :  

You are alive  and breathing ,offcourse  you have a working brain  ,

When the brain is at work it will make you think ,

and thoughts are randomly giving information and even make you remember something or someone  “it’s just a thought  notice it but don’t buy to it !!! 


Let it be , If you are destined to it , you will get there. 

I believe in fate ,I may not be satisfied on where i am ,I’m craving for certain place and experience , I want to teach abroad meet new people, go somewhere far away. i always felt like i don’t belong.. here, i belong to someone or some place maybe, But i know i will get there someday. I let things go , and life flow organically and learn ,and build my character to get there.

Hope you find it helpful, I also remind myself a lot of this !!

Thanks 🙂

When God say ” I Am ” Let Him be ..

I am a complete mess! I am a failure , I am unworthy !

I don’t deserve you Lord, I don’t deserve your love. Why you still love me ?,

I pushed you away a couple of times.. I neglected you,

my conscience fell. I mocked you , I turned my back on you , I disbelieve you .

I don’t deserve you Lord.

This is a silent prayer  I had few weeks ago.

He’s quiet , but i know  He’s there..

He said ” I Am ‘ 

> with a short answer ” I know in my heart I desperately need Him “I Desperately need God to fill my incompleteness.I’m a failure but He’s my victory. I doubted myself God still trust me .  “ get up dust yourself off !! He said 

“I am ” Let me do it for you .

My worst enemy is myself  Lord , I don’t know , trust me ” I Am “

I am under repair ” my sinful thoughts, my filthy desires..

God said ” I Am”









You can send messages and speak to someone through your mind, How is this possible?

I came across a recommended video from YouTube about Telepathic Communication and I’m a bit curious. It’s another window through different dimension. Telepathy in my own opinion is a psychic ability  something supernatural.

I think it’s taboo and hearing about makes people curious as I first saw the video

What Is It?

Telepathic communications are where people can share thoughts and feeling with each other over distance without using any of the five typical senses. People can also communicate telepathically with animals ( Geez,,, I have always wanted to communicate with my cat  he left me a month ago :(. 


2.  How is it Possible?

I don’t know if i can believe this stuff.. but this is what the web says”

Everything on earth, and in the wider universe, comes from the same source. All things are therefore linked via this central supreme source and share energy which they can use to tap into other smaller parts of the same universal source.

This is sometimes also referred to as a spiritual source, natural source or divine source.


Can I also send message to someone outside this planet ? Tell em to visit a friend’s house

haha 😀

3. Can Everyone Use Telepathic Communications?

All living beings are born with a natural telepathic ability. Many people are unaware of how to use it though, hence why there are so few people who do actually communicate in this way.

Lack of belief is also a big block, with many people remaining skeptical. By learning how to tune into the correct frequencies and wave lengths, it is possible for everyone to use telepathic communication.




For me id rather stick to this :


what do you think about this telepathy stuff?

Just follow the vapors …